Thoughts from a spinning class

Note: Spinning is the same as cycling on a stationary bike and is a great lower-body workout.

Twelve people began the spinning class yesterday, dutifully adjusting their bikes and swigging water. I had never seen this particular instructor, a middle-aged man in great shape for his age wearing a sweatband on his head and actual cycling shoes on his feet, but I’d heard rumors. You know you’re in trouble when the instructor wears the professional shoes.

Instructor: “All right class, we’ll do an eight-minute warm-up and follow up with stretches.”
It begins.
Instructor: “I use a 5-point scale, 1 being a flat ride and 5 being the most resistance you can do. Start out on a 3.”
Oh good, a 3 isn’t too bad. I can do a 3.
Instructor: “Hold it… OK, now double time! Push it people!”
I can’t even double time a 2! And what kind of music is this, some kind of smooth jazz? Where’s our hip-hop?

We lost four people from the class around the half-hour mark. A puddle of sweat had now formed on the floor beneath the instructor’s handlebars. After a particularly hard set, I reduced the resistance, sat back on my seat and turned to look at my friend next to me, the source of the rumors about the instructor. “I told you,” she mouthed. “I wasn’t joking!” We started another set: standing sprints.

Instructor: ”I see someone yawning back there! I must not be working you guys hard enough. Come on, smile at me!”
You don’t deserve a smile, you deserve a fist shake.

This went on for what seemed an eternity (or 20 minutes) until we began our cool down and finishing stretches.

Instructor: “I’m only subbing today, but I teach every other Saturday morning here and you all should come!”
My quads and I will be sleeping but thanks.

It took all my remaining strength just to drag myself to the car. But I’ll be there next week!