Dear Qwest Field:
Mark and I have dutifully patronized your services during the inaugural season of the Seattle Sounders FC, and have been thus far pleased with your services. Our seats are decent, we're not surrounded by crazies, and the women's restroom is right off the entrance to the field. For this, I thank you. However, there are some issues I'd like to address.
1. The women's restroom, while conveniently accessible, contains at least one stall that has a door susceptible to sticking. If a girl shoves it shut to keep out the other vultures circling the stalls, it's extremely hard to open again, and could require some expert shaking and jimmying of the latch and maybe even several double-handed pulls of the purse hook with one foot planted on the floor and the other braced against the stall wall. Meanwhile, said girl has to suppress a rising anxiety attack and fight the urge to give in and wave her hands above the stall and call for help. Not that that girl was me or anything. I'm just saying.
2. If you're going to offer water fountains, could you make sure the water is slightly cooler than a steaming tea kettle? Ok so it wasn't that hot, but for water-fountain water it definitely had a fever. It doesn't have to be cold, I'd settle for room temperature. I'm not too picky. But hot water out of a water fountain seems to defeat the purpose, doesn't it? Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the water and all. I'm just saying.
We won't meet again until October, so this gives you about six weeks to rectify these problems. In the meantime, I'll continue to sing your praises and we'll pretend like we're friends, ok? Cool.